To The Man I Thought Would Be My Forever

Sarah Diniz Outeiro

Beyond the warnings, it is impossible to avoid the first disappointment. Before experiencing our first wound, we are all infinitely romantic. We believed that we are invulnerable to pain and that love cannot fail for us. Almost always in adolescence, we overcome this stage, when our first boyfriend becomes our first ex-boyfriend. There is something very true that my mother always told me: "nobody learns lessons in someone else's body," one of those lessons is to take care of our feelings more after someone breaks our hearts. The truth is that I learned it with you, with all your lies; Even those that were obvious. When I think about what we were, I find myself lying in my mind to justify your actions and the harm you did to me.

You remind me of my favorite series (Sex and the City), there were moments in my life where I thought you were Mr. Big because I thought that after all the lies, you would look for me and stay by my side beyond the pain. Yes, I felt that holding your hand was the best, hugging you relieved me and putting my face on your shoulder after kissing you was what brought more peace to my world.I've noticed you're not a Mr. Big, you're a Mr. Nothing, because you're all the lies of him, but without his charm, and  without his sweetness. I will never be like the protagonist of the sixth season, ready to leave everything for you and return, I have decided to leave, and I only think to walk forward. Today I feel the Carrie Bradshaw of the ending of the first season, the one who decided to believe in herself and dedicate her life to her career and her path, away from you.

Many people grew up watching idyllic romances on television and in the movies. Almost magical stories that told perfect romances, eternal passions and absolute fidelities. Nothing further from the reality of life. In the real world, people are unfaithful, love is undervalued, and desires are ephemeral, such as fashion, consumption and some celebrities. Thanks to that fantastic idea of love, reinforced by some Brit-pop songs of the last century, some naive people fell into the trap: they allowed themselves to fall passionately in love and discovered very late that what they felt was not mutual. By the time they discovered it, they had already been hurt. We are in 2018, no one has breakfast at Tiffany's, and the Madison bridges are a distant memory replaced by records and festivals like Tomorrowland.

Thanks to you now I know all this, and even so, you did not manage to change me completely. In the end, I have not stopped being that girl I've always been, I still believe in everything that I have always believed; I think being romantic is something that should not go out of fashion, I believe in serious relationships and in the unique and unbridled passion, but above all things I believe in love. I have decided to love myself; I have decided to love my projects, my career and the future that I plan for myself. I will be happy with myself, and even happier when a person accompanies me on this path, which I am sure will be a much better man than you.