Friends With Benefits
Well, it's been years since we moved together, made babies and finally learned how to get along. However, when I look into his kind loving eyes, the intriguing memories of our maiden love story is still vivid and fresh in my mind.
I don't want you to get the impression that I didn't love my husband then. Trust me, I loved him to bits and always looked forward to his visits. But seriously guys; this is Woman to woman, save me from his boyish teasing and don't let him get wind of this.
Well, I was sure that he was serious with me, so, when I graduated from college and had a job, I knew he would eventually bring up the "moving in together" issue. However, as much as I enjoyed being by his side I had a mild resentment to the idea of us living together. The idea of us visiting each other somehow looked more appealing.
I was sure we would ultimately get married. However, the fact that I was not prepared to move in with him always made my heart cold. Well, he was an understanding man, so I hoped he would buy my argument. Seriously this was a big gamble which I was not ready to lose. To win I based my theory on the following facts. Crazy but it still worked.
"Baby what do you think about moving us moving together?" I confidently kicked it off! Well, he stayed still. With blinking eyes and an unsure face, I dropped my killer bombshell, "trust me, sweetheart, I know we have it all, but I don't quite think we are ready yet." The room went dead silent. This is it now! I thought I had lost it all, and my heart missed a beat.
So this is how we reasoned and would imagine, it turned out we had similar perceptions about the whole thing.
Of course, you are destined to live together for the rest of your life at some point. So, why the hurry? I reasoned out. Living together is a pretty sweet idea; however, with spontaneous flower surprises and memorable romantic evening walks your relationship will greatly blossom when staying at your separate apartments. Additionally, the fact that you only meet up occasionally, greatly impacts on your relationship health through what experts call the "deficit effect."
Seriously, guys, I don't know the science behind this, but the bond between lovebirds seems to blossom more when it is under curfew. It's funny how my boyfriend also turned out to be my homie. I was living with my parents, so visiting hours were explicitly official-curtsey of my no-nonsense dad. Despite that, he would sneak to my house just to share a chocolate bar with me. How I wish we could go back to the good old days!
So, where do you think this famous phrase "honey I am going out with the girls, or sweetheart I am with the boys" came from? Well, I understand you love him, but the sheer fact that he is your boyfriend does not mean that you are the only one in his life. Ladies stop being paranoid; he isn't going to do something fishy. Remember he has known some of his friends since childhood.
On the other hand, you also need to keep your little pack of girls. Maybe you have some brownies or wine you want to share. Who knows what you and your girls are up to? But since he is not a pack member, his presence will definitely spoil the fun. Having your own apartment gives you absolute freedom to enjoy some quality time with your friends before you settle down for the family life.
So, do you want your relationship to barely survive, or thrive? Of course, you want it to thrive. Well, when it comes to footing bills, all the promises and affection somehow changes. It's true, living together is more economical in all aspects as a 50/50 bill footing is expected. But seriously, just reason with me; maybe you have just landed your first paycheck. Well, you are young, and nothing can get between you and your cravings for some cheap thrills out with your friends. This is a critical transitional stage of life to mature responsible adults.
So, you may decide to allocate much of your earnings on fun activities and designer clothes which he may consider irresponsible. So, get your own place and satisfy your California fantasies until you are fed up with them before you move in with him.
Personally, I find the "saving money" completely out of place. I'd consider paying a few more bucks and live in my own house until I am sure we are ready to move in. When I landed my first contract, I remember how I would spend half of my hard earned salary on pizzas and other junk. Sometimes I would forget to service some of my bills.
Everyone has a second side that you don't want people to know. So as you struggle shaking it off it, it's advisable to do it in your house. I wonder how easily girls completely transform themselves once they start living with their boyfriends. Well, men can sometimes be gross; germ and dirt blind. However until you have had enough of your own personal issues, can you have the guts to accommodate his inadequacies.
When my husband suggested me moving in with him, I was worried he would get pissed off by my other side. Seriously I had lots of secrets, past mistakes, and regrets, some of which I even wondered how I managed to live with. Despite the fact that they were mine and mine alone I knew I could not keep them away from him. So I asked him to give six more months to think about the issue, while in reality, I was buying some time to update him about my past. This ensured a smooth transition since we were on the same page.
According to Orbach, "the secret to a relationship longevity and stability is the ability of the players to resolve conflicts." Of course, he is not a god, and neither are you. You need to understand that being in love does not change your personality. So, before you start sharing a house with him, first make sure he is aware of your nature and limits. Simulate difficult situations and see if you can unify successfully come out of the situation.
In any relationship, the biggest milestone is moving in together. So, it is impartial to make sure you are up to the task of accepting his weaknesses as strengths. However, always trust your instinct, take a second thought before you pack up your bags and move in together.