Mom, I'd Die If I Lost You.

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It was just the other day I watched an episode of Modern Family titled Mother. Maybe you have seen it too. It was an illustration of how often families turn mothers into monsters. You know, how often we cast blame on them.

In the end, they concluded that mothers aren't to blame. We're just too scared of facing our inadequacies and unpleasantness. And it's so much easier to blame mom for everything. Sadly, they allow it. Why? I can't think of a better word other than, selflessness.

Now the more I get older, I realize how often I've been an ungrateful daughter. My father has never been a part of our lives. So my mother was faced with the burden of raising me alone. However, along the way, there were years she left me with different relatives. She was working at the time.

Boy, did I crave a parent in those years. You see. There's freedom a child has around a parent. The freedom of speech, freedom to eat whatever, whenever you want, freedom to invite your friends home, freedom to be a child. I didn't have that. And for the longest time, I couldn't forgive my mother for missing out on most of my childhood and teenage years.

I became more angered when we went back to just me and her because she had nothing, we had nothing. All that time she was away working but had nothing to show for it. She couldn't even afford to buy food at times, let alone pay for my college. I subconsciously set out be the cruelest I could be to her.

Looking back I'm ashamed for every cruel word and deed I said and did to her. What hurts the most is that at no time did she reciprocate. Instead, she gave me her all and hoped that one day, I'd find it enough. It's quite difficult to break a habit as you may know. So while I'm not yet close to being a perfect daughter, each day I try to right my wrongs.

My mother is a phenomenal woman. A woman of character. She teaches me how to love unconditionally, lead a Godly lifestyle, forgive the undeserving, and to be content with my life. The younger me didn't see this and had she, a lot would have been avoided. But I do now. The good I have in me is thanks to this woman that raised me the best way she knew how.

In the book, The Miracle of Forgiveness, Spencer W. Kimball asks, "what good is a big picture window and the lavish appointments and a priceless decor in a home if there is no mother there?" Nothing, at least to me. I can't even imagine my life without my mother. Sometimes I think I'd die if she did. Even knowing it would kill her, my selfish self still secretly wishes I die before her.

Mothers sometimes go wrong. And yes, at times they make decisions that impact us negatively. But how many more choices do we make that continually diminish our mothers? Forgive yours and love her cause there's nothing she wouldn't give to see you happy. I love you, mom.