I used to be the kind of lady who hooked up with guys after the first date. There is nothing wrong with that if it’s your thing. My perception was that this was a sure way of getting guys to like me. I was wrong. In fact, the opposite happens. My current strategy is waiting at least three months until I get between the sheets. So far, it has worked wonders!
I wish it were different. However, it isn’t. The sad reality is that something in a guy’s mind changes when the girl they are dating gives up the cookie too soon. They suddenly don’t respect her anymore or become uninterested in her. I have seen this happen numerous times. I’ve had long-term relationships with guys after hooking up with them right away. However, I do feel that things would turn out differently if I made them wait a little bit longer.
One of the best things about waiting 12 weeks before hooking up with a guy is that I give him a lot of time to fall in love with the real me. For what I am, not what I offer whenever he wants. I want to be sure that he is in love with me. That he is with me because I’m the love of his life and not for anything else. Guys take longer to figure out how they feel about who they are dating; therefore, three months seems reasonable enough. If we are together after this period, more so when sex isn’t involved, then our relationship has a real chance of working out.
It’s a scientific fact that ladies are prone to oxytocin addiction which is released during sex. Men also get addicted to it, but at lower levels. That’s the reason we get crazy when guys sleep with us then don’t call us afterward. He might not be a great person, but once you are intimate with him, he will turn into your living purpose. I want to make sure our relationship has a foundation, that I love him for the right reasons, not because of a sex triggered addiction circuit.
You now know the role oxytocin plays in our system when we have sex. If you are not careful, you might fall for a person that does not deserve you. This explains why couples are head over heels within the first few months then it all goes downhill once the sex starts getting boring. Waiting three months before getting between the sheets assures me that we have a connection based on our personalities and not our sexual chemistry. Sex is also important, but it doesn’t guarantee a healthy long-term relationship.
Ever since I discovered this little secret, I have noticed that guys think highly of me. They are sure that any guy can’t just have me. Making them wait makes me unique to them. Before they enjoy the cookie, they have to prove that they earned it.
I was of the opinion that guys get mad whenever a woman refused to have sex with them right away. Guess what? It makes them feel appreciated. They think that it’s noble to get to know them first and that I am not using them for a quick random hookup. If you think about it, it’s a win-win. If the guy I’m dating gets mad about it, I automatically know he was in this for the sex which is perfect because I can move on.
Guys do not see sex as part of a relationship. For most guys, love and sex are two distinct things. The moment I stopped perceiving sex as a getting together purpose tool, things changed. I realized that I could offer numerous things to a relationship other than sex. If a guy doesn’t have an interest in the things I have to offer, it’s clear that he isn’t interested in me.
The moment you have sex with a guy sooner than you are comfortable with, you will feel like you have lost control. You start feeling as if he has cast a spell on you and you can do anything to be with him. Waiting gives me a piece of mind. It assures me that I have a sense of control over my relationship.
Sleeping with a guy reveals a lot about him, not sleeping with him has the same results. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that you should use sex as a weapon. All I’m saying is that keeping sex off the table for a while can give you some insight into who a guy truly is and if he is worth your time and affection in the long run.