Every Time I Miss Him, I Remember All His Good Deeds.

Pietra Schwarzler

I still remember how he used to touch me romantically. His touch always warmed me. It was comforting as it made me forget all my worries. I wish that I can have his hands around me again. I miss how he interlaced his fingers with mine.

He gave me the sense of security, and I would like to feel it again. His eyes always communicated a unique promise to me whenever he looked at me. They always seemed to promise that he would never hurt me. I was ready and willing to fall to his love. He sank deeper into my heart as he promised me that he would never break my heart.

I never gave a thought about what I would feel if I lost him. I now have to look at the broken pieces of past love and realize that I miss him. Actually, I don’t miss him. I am missing the security that is attached to a loving relationship.

I took my love with him for granted because I never thought that he would leave me. I always pressured him with demands because I knew he wouldn't fail me. I took advantage of him.

He suddenly stopped meeting my demands. Sometimes I called when I needed something from him, but there was no surety that he would answer my calls anymore.

Any time guys approach me now I'm so cautious and unlikely to accept them. I rarely trust them anymore. I fear to take a chance with new relationships. I dread to have my heart broken because of my previous experiences.

It is painful to lose someone you loved. We went from talking daily to talking once in a month. Later I realize that we could only speak to each other during essential occasions and then we stopped talking altogether.

I hoped that he would call me on my birthdays, but when he didn’t, I lost the last hope. I realized that I made a mistake when I stopped calling him. I lost the surety of his love, and this made me forget even his voice.

I hate having the memories of his love because they remind me of him. I fantasize all the good time we had together only to leave me with an empty feeling when I realize that he is gone.

I felt secure with him, but those memories are only ruining my future and not changing my present. These memories deny me the chance of forgetting him. Missing the past security is bad though, it opens wounds that are healing and makes you vulnerable. Is there any reason for opening up the flesh of a healing wound? Even if it will leave a scar, I decided to put a bandage to let it heal.

I decided that the scar will always make me strong and it will serve as a sign that I am strong enough to move on despite my vulnerabilities. I have learned that dwelling in the old love memories can’t help me, and therefore I decided to move on as a strong woman.