12 Signs It’s Been Way Too Long Since You Got Laid

Dry spells are a reality. Sometimes, out of choice, and other times, it’s just all thanks to circumstances. Whatever the case, here are a few reminders that it has been a little too long for you, and it may be time to get back in the game.

1. You can’t even remember how long it has been.

You may remember a few details about your last time, but not to an exact certainty. Even if you do, you don’t particularly care to admit it to yourself or anyone else.

2. Cobwebs on your condoms stash

If your stash is just sitting and collecting cobwebs, and you have to throw out the expired condoms; it sure has been too long for you.

3. You comfort eat. A lot.

A girl still needs to feel good, and if you are not having any action between the sheets, you will find yourself going on overdrive with some action on the kitchen table. Pizza, anyone?

4.Comfort over sexy any day for your underwear.

Why wear those sexy lace panties when your evening plans for the majority of the week involves you binging on some show you just discovered on Netflix as you enjoy some pizza, all from the comfort of your own bed. Cotton granny panties become an easy pick for you.

5. Maybe it wasn’t all that bad after all?

After a long dry spell, Mike from 2 years ago doesn’t seem so horrible anymore. He could only last 3 minutes tops, and the guy didn’t know the first thing about foreplay, but, something is better than nothing, right? You will be tempted to get in touch. Just don’t.

6. You morph into the creepy hugger.

Your craving for human contact makes you lean in and hug a little too tight, and a little too long and make it all awkward. It doesn’t help when the person you are hugging is very attractive. Nice going miss creepy hugger.

7. The bedroom is a mess, and your bed has a nice dent in the middle

A nice dent from your single form rolling and tossing around the bed should tell you it’s been a while. Again, piles of laundry and shoes everywhere in your bedroom may not bother you as much because you will not be “entertaining.”

8. Your masturbation situation

At first, you will go at it so hard, and your internet history will betray you. After a while, your interest in getting yourself will fade and you can’t be bothered.

9. You are bringing back the bush

You are not too worried about your grooming situation down there, only shave occasionally, and haven’t been in for a scaping session in a while.

10. Everyone is suddenly looking hot.

Did Ken from accounts start hitting the gym? Even the most random people on the street look so very attractive to you now.

11. You get so cranky all the time.

Careful, so you don’t let all that pent-up sexual frustration lead to irrational confrontations with others. You will find yourself snapping at just about anyone for no good reason.

12. You make and nervously laugh at too many sex jokes

It really takes you back to your teenage years when making nervous jokes was the only way to hide your lack of sexual experience, doesn’t it? Not much has changed.