So, you’ve met this new guy. You two seem to really hit it off and are enjoying spending time together. Yet there is one elephant in the room between you both, his ex.
You can’t help wondering what they were like together, did he enjoy spending time with her more, you can’t help having a nagging feeling about her. Then suddenly you find yourself stalking her social media.
Curiosity is one thing, but are you really going to let the past interfere with the future?
This will not improve your budding relationship, it will only damage it and possibly end it before it has truly started. You will become mentally tired comparing yourself to her.
Asking him questions about her will be far from helpful in developing your relationship, all that will happen is you will preoccupy his mind with his ex, when he should be spending that time thinking about you and him.
Trust issues will appear. He will begin to feel like you don’t trust him, that you are checking up on him and his past. Trust is fragile enough when beginning a relationship, without your relentless questions about his ex.
The poor guy is trying to move on, and he is moving on with you. Stop making it near on impossible to do.
You are two different women, and you’d be wise to remember that!
When you stalked her social media you couldn’t believe what you saw could you? She is drop dead gorgeous and you found yourself comparing her looks to yours and couldn’t understand what he saw in you when he had been with her.
You just don’t see how beautiful you are do you?
You completely ignore the fact that he chose you, he wants to be with you!
Yes, he was attracted to her in the past, after all he was with her for a while, but it didn’t last. Remind yourself that looks are not everything, remember what he told you as to the reasons why it didn’t work out between them. It ended for a reason, then he met you.
He fell for you!
To him you are beautiful inside and out. He loves the way you smile; your laugh makes him laugh. He loves the warmth of your personality. He see’s the way you treat others with respect and that you are one hell of a good friend. He loves to hold your hand as you walk down the street, he feels himself relax as he cuddles up to you to watch a movie, you are his peace, why can’t you see that?
If you continue along this path, he will begin to hate spending time with you, and it will be the beginning of the end of you both.
He will feel suffocated by your constant doubt, he will begin to feel anxious about spending time with you.
He will get tired of having to constantly reassure you that he wants to be with you and only you. There is no getting away from the fact that men do prefer confident women, insecurity about an ex is a turn off.
Finally, you are beautiful inside and out. You are unique. He chose to be with you and only you, now go and enjoy the relationship to the full.
Being put on the spot makes it harder for us to define our boundaries. In our attempts to appease the person giving us their attention, we agree to things without meaning to.
But failure to have boundaries lets other people force us into situations that make us resent them. As long as you think having boundaries makes you rude, the wrong people will continue to put demands on you and you will end up resenting them.
You also need to stop equating having boundaries with lack of compassion. Instead, see it as a way to have self-respect. After all, you wouldn’t go around imposing responsibilities on people if it would make them uncomfortable.
Before anyone can respect you, you have to respect yourself first.
So, don’t be in a rush to give a response the next time someone asks you for a favor. Take your time and think it over and then give an answer you will not regret.
It’s okay to be honest about what’s not okay and what is.