Look at you sitting alone in your bedroom at 4 A.M. wondering what she is doing, who is she with, does he make her happy where you failed, and thinking about her decision to leave you.
Suddenly you are engulfed with memories of all the times you made her cry. The horrible mean things you said, as you thought she would never leave you.
The memory of the day you came home to find her bags packed in the hallway comes crashing down, and you hear her soft voice saying ‘It’s over. I’m leaving. I tried for far too long, enough is enough. Good Bye.
Your mind replays the sound of the door as it clicked shut, and then the silence in the apartment after her departure.
You couldn’t figure out what went wrong could you? You blamed her! You got angry. You told your friends you got rid of her, they soon found out the truth, though didn’t they?
You need to man up and take a long look at yourself in the mirror, see the real you for a change.
This is why she left you!
She loved you so much, but you couldn’t see that could you. You’re old enough to be a husband not a child, yet your behavior is that of a spoiled brat. Everything had to be your way, you’d sulk until she gave in to you just to keep the peace. You didn’t even notice the times when she was going through a rough period, you were too busy doing what you wanted to do, and when she asked for time with you, what did you do? You pushed her away as it interfered with what you wanted to do. You really have no clue about women do you?
You never made her your priority, you’d rather spend time with your friends in clubs, bars and going to football. You behaved like a single man and not someone living with a partner. She was always a second option, she should have been your first option every time! It was inevitable that she would leave you in the end, you just couldn’t see that she would.
You loved the way she looked, didn’t you? It is what attracted you to her in the first place. You loved showing her off the times you did go out together, she was all dressed up looking stunning and you enjoyed the looks other men gave her and you with your hand on her ass laying public claim she was yours.
You loved the way she made you feel, as she ignored all those looks, she only had eyes for you.
As you’re sitting there remembering all this, you remember the absolute mind blowing sex you both had, she gave her all to you, she never held back and you know that is what made it all the more special for her, was it as special for you though, or was it just another fuck, your actions made it appear as if it was just another fuck, but you know it wasn’t, you know the connection was something you had never experienced before, yet you just were not man enough to admit it to yourself.
To not face those feelings, you made fun of her when she was wearing no make up and in sweats, you should have loved her just the same no matter what she was wearing. What a shallow man you are!
She wasn’t just a face and body! She could hold her own, her intelligence was something again you couldn’t cope with. She knew her shit, she loved discussing politics, history, travel and what did you do, you put her down and her views were irrelevant as far as you were concerned.
You didn’t notice the changes in her, did you? The times she was silent, staring out the window. You avoided acknowledging that something was wrong. She smiled less and less, she even started talking less and less. Then she started being away from the apartment more and more, said she was working late, or going to the gym. She made a point of coming home once you’d gone out. Why didn’t you talk to her, why did you let it go beyond the point of no return?
Can you even remember the last time you told her you loved her? You took her for granted. You behaved as if she was a possession as you are just incapable of showing real love.
Did you ask her to stay the night she left? No, you didn’t. You didn’t believe she would stay gone, you told your friends ‘she’ll be back begging to come home and I’ll make her sweat on it before saying yes.’
She didn’t ask to come back. She started to build a new life that didn’t involve you. You started to hear from friends how happy she was, how amazing she looked, and that she was seeing someone new. Oh, how you hated to hear all that.
So here you are sitting in your bedroom at 4am and the whole truth of what a piece of shit you truly are comes crashing down on you.
You know you caused the break up, and you know that you need to grow the fuck up, its too late to repair the damage done, but at least grow up and change for any future relationships.
I hope you never treat another woman the way you treated her, she didn’t make the decision to leave you easily, it hurt her deeply, but you hurt her even more.
She knew she deserved better than you, she knew she should respect herself more and she did by leaving you, she knew her worth, such a shame you didn’t.
The truth is she deserves to be with someone who makes her smile, who feels blessed to have her in his life, and works with her building a future.
You had that chance, you blew it. You are not that man.