Human relationships are tricky to navigate. Even in the best of times, they can be quite complicated.
After the traumatic experience of her marriage, Janet was left emotionless. The mere thought of another relationship often left her physically ill. She did not want to ever deal with the burden that comes with sentiments and sensations that accompany close relationships.
Janet’s story may be unique. However, it carries with it some of the underlying reasons why people of all backgrounds, keep from having meaningful relationships.
Once bitten twice shy, so they say. The possibility that you have been terribly hurt in a previous relationship sets alarm bells ringing at any sign of an impending bonding. You proceed to adopt the instinct of self-preservation.
If you have been hurt and betrayed in the past, you despise and resent the intense emotions that subjected you to pain. Most people who have been in a relationship that ended on a bad note, are afraid.
The mere thought of another relationship fills you with dread and fear. You do not want to ever get hurt that way again, so you distance yourself from everyone you meet. The hurt that accompanied the previous ending must never be experienced again, or so you swear.
You would rather keep whatever something, or someone good that comes along away before things turn bad. You feel you would rather do the damage first than allow the damage to be done to you later in the relationship.
It nags at your mind that eventually, you will be disappointed. You see no need to engage in something that will hurt you badly, in the end. You wear a protective shield and freeze all feelings and sensations that could lead to your already expected hurt.
You may feel that you have walked the path of defeat too many times before. The only way you can feel in control of your life is to have the power say no to others, even though they may be right.
When someone new comes along and starts to treat you the way you are supposed to be treated, you just can't take it. You lose yourself, go crazy and become lost in your feelings. For this reason, you push them away to just to feel like you are in control.
You keep reasoning that you cannot control how you feel about someone, but it is easy to do something about those emotions.
This boils down to the past and how you have been treated. It is possible you were in a bad situation growing up, or you are looking at social media and everyone's life seems too perfect, and yours is down in the dumps.
It could even be that you have been treated like shit before in your previous relationship, and the little confidence you think you had got drained away from you. The thought you have in your mind is that you are not good enough, and you do not have what it takes. You assume that the relationship will end in heartbreak, or that you will mess it up.
You have things going on in your mind, convincing you that the relationship won't ever work. You think that either the person will get bored with you, and will run as soon as you get attached. You think too little of yourself while feeling that you have nothing worth giving to the other person.
You question people’s motives and every smile, or you put kind words under a microscope. You ask yourself if they’re making fun of you, or do they like you because they do not know the real you?
You could be having a pre-conditioned state of mind as to when it is the ideal time and situation for you to get close to someone. You could be waiting to be financially stable, to attain a certain age, or even get to an ideal weight.
However, getting close and into a relationship with someone has no formula. It just happens. It is part of nature. When you set conditions on how and when a relationship should progress, it goes against the very laws of Mother Nature.