Most of us spend our days doing the best we can and making the most of things. We may not be overstretching ourselves when it comes to helping others, but we certainly don't go out of our way to upset or hurt others. Intentionally stressing someone out or making them feel beneath us is not something that crosses our minds. The same cannot be said for the day in the life of a narcissist.
Manipulating people is what makes narcissists tick. The easiest and most efficient way for a narcissist to accomplish this is their use of words. If you're trying to figure out if someone in your life is a narcissist, here are some clues to the language they use to break you down.
Narcissists won't hit you with straight up insults; they like to be sneaky in their approach. Narcissists use a more subtle approach of abusive comments rather than straight up name calling or insults. This makes it easier to claim that you misunderstood their words if you accuse them of being rude or insulting.
You can find narcissists insults hidden within their compliments. They pay you a compliment but swipe it from you and belittle you simultaneously. They can use remarks like "you look good today compared to yesterday" or "Amazing, you surprisingly did a good job." You will find yourself wondering should you be thanking them for the compliment or should you be questioning if they were insulting you.
Most of you will have heard of the term gaslighting, something all narcissists use. Liars by nature, narcissists, alter facts, omit parts of the story, twist it whatever way they want to get you to believe what they are saying.
Gaslighting is used to confuse the victim. The truth is twisted all the time, and you will be made to feel like you remember things incorrectly. You eventually start to doubt yourself and your memory, you may even begin to question your sanity. You start to feel like you can't trust yourself and you end up relying on them more.
Build You Up To Tear You Down
The narcissist will put you on a pedestal, shower you with love and affection one minute, then the next will treat you with disdain, belittle you and chip away at your self worth. They are such extreme behaviors that cause great confusion. When you are dealing with a narcissist in your life, you never know which side of them they will show.
"I was only joking," the most commonly used phrase for any narcissist. This phrase has two benefits for a narcissist, one they can get away with whatever they say as it was "only a joke." Secondly, they can make you out to be the overly sensitive buzz kill to their humor. You should be apologizing to them for overreacting.
They have a similar move of playing the victim all the time and passing blame. If they've done something wrong and you question it, they will turn it all around on you. You are suddenly to blame and should be apologizing for your reaction. And the weird part is, they manage to make you feel like you should be apologizing!!
Giving you the silent treatment is one of the narcissists most powerful tactics to torment you. If you've upset them, the narcissist will give you the silent treatment for as long as they like. They will ignore you, be dismissive of you, and treat you like a piece of dirt. This will leave you feeling utterly insignificant without their approval. They will have you begging them for attention, and it makes you feel as if you need them in your life for you to be significant and worthy.
A narcissist only cares about themselves and what suits them. And they expect you to accommodate them; you should work your life around their needs and wants. They have no problems manipulating and tormenting you purely for pleasure; they get a kick out of it. If you stay too long in this relationship, you will be left traumatized with no self-worth or self-esteem. It can take a very long time for you to rebuild your self-worth.