At some points in our lives, we sometimes feel like all we have is depressing thoughts. The way these thoughts settle in us is very subtle, but the aftermath might be very frightening.
Suicidal thoughts are often the aftermath of depressing thoughts, and many people have different opinions about it. Some think of it as a permanent type of situation where once you have it, it means you want to die, and that is the end of it. People can think they want to kill themselves or die in moments, but not necessarily literally want to end it all after those thoughts have passed.
As much as it may seem that suicidal thoughts come to people who are grown enough and can tell what they want out of life, sometimes it starts way earlier than that. While in your younger days it might feel like mere thoughts, they are suicidal thoughts.
Have you ever thought of just taking a rope to hang yourself, or just picking a knife when you were younger because of a situation and got overwhelmed? That's an example, but it doesn't necessarily mean you want to die. The feeling to take that action might be powerful but trust me, when you have no intention of actually doing it, then it is merely a thought, and I believe you don't really want to die.
As much as you don't want to have this feeling, it just comes in unannounced, and for some of us who have had it from childhood, it just won't leave us.
Some may know when these thoughts are on the way because before you get these suicidal thoughts, depression sets in first. Depression comes in unannounced, bringing us to regret the many bad things we have done before, and it keeps expanding as we dwell on the thought.
After these thoughts, we cave yourselves in, not wanting to see or talk to anyone. We get overwhelmed by the idea and over wanting to take our lives. It's the same feeling for everyone, and you don't have to feel like you are not normal. The feeling might feel twisted, but the truth is that you are normal. Yes, you can have suicidal thoughts and still not want to die.
If you are reading this right now, you are probably thinking you are the only one with these thoughts of suicide without wanting to die, but you'll be shocked at the statistics of how many other people feel the exact ways you do. The fact is, it's normal to have such feelings.
Do not make the mistake of keeping it to yourself until your thoughts become completely overwhelming. You can speak to someone about your frequent thoughts. Pick a person you can confide in. Your wife, your partner, your parent, or a close friend. Just talk to someone, it could even be a therapist too, someone who can help you pull out and help you see that you are healthy to have such feeling and never attempt suicide.