Imagine that woman who has to cry herself to sleep every night. She tries her best to be the strongest she can be. She tries to let herself understand that it is a circumstance and situation that she cannot change. In her mind, she’s trying to bring together all the things she’s been through. It has been like treading on pieces of broken glass barefoot. She has only got herself to console her and she knows that regardless of the pain she has experienced from the breakup, she has to gain closure and move on with her life.
Having pictured this woman who is so full of pain and wounds, this was me. This was certainly me and not too long ago. I dreaded moments where I would have to be at my house and alone because I knew I had to experience the longest days and the longest nights. I would remember the times you would treat me as I had no heart or emotions. I remembered how much you took me for granted and still let me love you deeply, even with all the emotional drain I was experiencing.
When your friends are off on adventures, enjoying life, being free and taking everyday as it comes you’re just there. Holding on strong. You don’t let yourself get dragged by the crowd or carried away by things you aren’t sure of. Or things which aren’t necessary, you over think yourself out of things.
Even though you overthink much and you see it as an over-obsessive behavior that gives you stress, it’s not entirely true. People who have accepted their overthinking and overanalyzing mind knows that overthinking means you care.
I blamed myself all the time for all the problems we experienced while in the relationship. I had to apologize for the very mistakes you made and the hurtful things you did to me. It all had to be me and my fault. I, however, thank you because our separation has made me see the light. I realize you were the problem. You had wounds that needed healing. You had an unaddressed issue that made you extremely toxic.
All this time, you were the one that truly had misplaced priorities. You were in a relationship with me but did not really need it. You did not know what you wanted. I thank you because after living in chains for so long, I can now see the reality of it. I am truly not the woman you made me appear to be. I am worth so much more.
It is how you treated me, how you took me for granted that I now refuse to settle for less. It is for how much of a priority I never was to you, that I demand to be treated better. Thank you for helping me realize that I do not have to change to be someone's preference but just have to let them love me for me.
I now know that a relationship is not all about sex. I know that I deserve a love that is not straining and I deserve a man that loves and appreciates me for me. Because of you, I have learned to fight my insecurities and fears and to face them boldly and truthfully. It is because of you that I have learned that if one cannot love me for me, then they need to go.