“What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” These are powerful words spoken by many. However, these words were nowhere in sight as I sat on the bathroom floor, tears gushing till the wells ran dry. All I wanted to do was cry. Cry the pain away; cry all the emotions away, cry all the heartbreak away. I clenched my fists and slammed them against the bathroom floor. I wished and hoped, all I would feel was physical pain because physical pain is better than what you did to me. Any pain is better than feeling pieces of my broken and shattered heart pierce through my soul.
On the bathroom floor, I had no self-worth. I did not matter. Being with you killed every ounce of dignity I had. You destroyed me. Every day, you killed me; you chose others over me, you took me for granted.
Every day, I died a little bit more.
Fortunately, my story didn’t end there.
I would have cursed at you then, but now I know better, and all I can say to you is thank you.
Thank you for opening my eyes. All my life, I have lived thinking I was the problem. But you, you made me see the truth. I am not the problem, you were. You spilled toxicity into my life and made me think I was the toxic one, but I know better now.
I am good enough. I have always been good enough. You made me see that. You made me realize my worth is not pegged on anyone else other than me.
The words you fed me, they were poison glazed in honey. You made me forget what true love is. You made me doubt reality, doubt the world, doubt myself. Now, I know better. Now I know I am good enough, I know I deserve the best.
I am not the same woman who cried on the bathroom floor. I know my worth now, and I thank you for leading me here. I know now, only I wield power over my life. I decide who I am; I decide what I’m worth. Never again will I ever let anyone steal this power away from me.
Please, do not misunderstand my words. I’m not saying you are a bad person; on the contrary, you were a good person, but to me, you were toxic. Your toxicity was infectious.
Before you start missing me and wanting me back, I want you to remember something first. I want you to remember what you did to me. I want to remember the woman you made me. I want you to remember the woman you made cry, the woman you gave sleepless nights too, the woman you stole her worth and turned her life upside down. When you are done remembering the woman you made me, then, back away.
As you’re leaving, I would like to thank you. Not for what you did to me, but because of what happened after you I hit rock bottom.
Thank you, for letting me realize my self-worth.
Thank you, for showing me I am stronger than I thought.
Thank you, for showing I have control over who I am.
Thank you, or showing me I can be happy all by myself.
Thank you, for making me the woman I am today.
You were the darkness in my life, and through it, I saw I was light. All the light I ever needed.