Most of us spend our time thinking about how to make other people like us. The rush of being liked and the discomfort we feel when someone doesn’t like us usually pushes our actions. We hate the idea that someone might dislike us. There are some of us who can let this go, move on with life and live with a mutual dislike, most of us, however, will make attempts to change their minds. Even at the cost of ourselves. We’d even change who we are just to make people like us more, but when we aren’t true to ourselves we lose the very essence of us, and this will usually lead to profound unhappiness.
As social animals, the opinions of other matter a great deal to us, but what we often forget is that these people probably don’t care as much about us as they do about maintaining the status quo of conformity. Rather than spending your time on what others think of you, spend time figuring out what you think of yourself. Who are you, what do you like, what do you want in your life? If someone appreciates you for who you are then you’re great, if not you should be able to let them move on.
Often, we’ll get so focused on getting other people to like us, we forget whether we like them. In all relationships, whether they are with romantic partners, friends, or even family, we forget that we should not forget about ourselves. This is especially true when it comes to people who abuse us. We get caught up in how they make us feel and how they treat us, we forget that we have an identity independent of them.
Human tendency is to take criticism to heart. Instead of focusing on what is great about us, we think about how we should be better. We forget to love our bodies, our personalities, our face and ourselves. When you start loving yourself and being more accepting of who you are, you’ll limit the power someone else’s negativity has over you. When you love yourself, you won’t need someone else’s love to feel worthy.
Most of us wait for the end of an abusive relationship or some other big event for self-reflection. That doesn’t have to be the case. Though you’re busy, you can take out a bit of time to figure out who you really are. Giving yourself importance and loving yourself is key to a better you. No matter what, you have to put yourself first. After all, no one else understands you and your needs like you do. No one will love you unconditionally. No one except you. So, stop giving a shit about everyone else, focus on yourself.
Well, when you focus on yourself and love yourself, you find true happiness. You learn to respect yourself and your boundaries. This is when you attract good people into your life. You find friends that are genuinely concerned about you. When you’re the best version of yourself you’ll attract the right kind of partner too. Becoming the best you can require a lot of self-work, but at the end of the day, your reward is happiness. It is finding great people to share your life with. Your biggest reward is that you get to be you.