1. Way Too Deep And Weird
I was on a bus recently, and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, “Death is the poor man’s doctor.” And that was that.
2. “Dangerous Tools”
This sort of relates… It still makes me laugh hysterically… My childhood friend recently found his journal from when he was about 6 or 7… One entry said something along the lines of, “Sometimes Mommy gardens. Sometimes Daddy works inside the house. When Daddy thinks I’m with Mommy, and Mommy thinks I’m with Daddy, sometimes I like to go into the neighbor's garage and play with their dangerous tools.”
3.“We Need To Get It Out”
My noticeably pregnant sister and I were having a conversation at the dining room table. My four-year-old son was also present and asked my sister if there was a baby in her belly. She affirmed. He, completely straight-faced, slid from his chair and headed for the kitchen saying “We need to get it out. I’ll go get the knife. ” I don’t even know…
4. More Than Jealous
My three-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother and looked at him for a while then turned and looked at me and said, “Daddy its a monster..we should bury it.”
5. The Man With The Snake Neck
While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, “the man.” To which I replied, “what man?” She then pointed at the closet and said, “the man with the snake neck.” I turn around, and nothing was there. I’m afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet. At least she wasn’t scared.
6. The Bad Man
Why are you crying?
What bad man?
“There.” Points behind me at a dark corner of the room
Lamp on the bookshelf next to said darkened corner falls off as soon as I turn to look.
She slept in our bed that night.
I was sound asleep, and at around 6 am I was woken up by my four-year-old daughters face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, “I want to peel all your skin off.”
The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state, however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn’t know if I was dreaming, or what was going on.
8. What Do You See?
My five-year-old son asked me last week “what do you see through the black circles in my eyes when you’re controlling me when I’m at school?”
“So I shouldn’t throw him in the fire?”
Three-year-old daughter is holding her baby brother for the first time.
10. That’s Not Sleep
“Daddy sleep” then pushing my head underwater at the pool.