With the holidays fast approaching, those of us that know of or are involved with a narcissist all know that this time of the year is a favorite time for the game playing to reach new heights.
As families across the world begin to prepare for the festivities by sending out invites, planning meals and buying gifts, you can be sure the narcissists are making their own plans for this time.
They really hate seeing people gathered together having fun, laughing and making jokes with each other, what they want to see is pain and misery, they want to engage with the vulnerable members of our family and convince them of lies regarding their targeted victim.
A narcissist will always be jealous of the closeness their victim will have with their family and friends. They will view it as a threat to what they believe is how life should be. They have a real dislike for anyone who is the centre of attention such as the person whose home it is that is hosting the celebration.
A narcissist will make themselves appear as if they have not been welcomed and made part of the day, some people will notice this and feel sorry for them, and will turn their attention to them without realising they have now made the narcissist the centre of attention and given them the power they need to ruin the celebration.
Another way a narcissist impacts the celebrations is even before the event takes place, such as picking an argument, which then means they cancel their attendance. They then won’t need to take part in the gift buying, and some even go as far as starting a new relationship with their next victim, to only then drop them once the holidays are over and return to you and keep the new victim in reserve on the side-lines.
If you find yourself involved with a narcissist the above will no doubt sound familiar to you. You will have no doubt been trying your best to keep them happy and involved, but nothing you do will ever keep a narcissist happy.
The hateful, bullying, condescending comments will increase as the time for the celebration gets closer. They will do all they can to ruin your good mood and excitement of the celebrations ahead.
What you can do to avoid the narcissist spoiling the holidays is either don’t invite them, which isn’t always possible if they are the partner of someone you want at your celebrations or just ignore them, which they will hate!
Let them wallow in their own misery of negativity and have their own pity party. Just do your own thing, talk with family and friends, enjoy the meal, have fun playing the games and if you can imagine they aren’t even there.
Being put on the spot makes it harder for us to define our boundaries. In our attempts to appease the person giving us their attention, we agree to things without meaning to.
But failure to have boundaries lets other people force us into situations that make us resent them. As long as you think having boundaries makes you rude, the wrong people will continue to put demands on you and you will end up resenting them.
You also need to stop equating having boundaries with lack of compassion. Instead, see it as a way to have self-respect. After all, you wouldn’t go around imposing responsibilities on people if it would make them uncomfortable.
Before anyone can respect you, you have to respect yourself first.
So, don’t be in a rush to give a response the next time someone asks you for a favor. Take your time and think it over and then give an answer you will not regret.
It’s okay to be honest about what’s not okay and what is.