Motherhood, in fact, parenting in general, can be tricky, messy and chaotic. It's a constant cycle of endless schedules, filled with confusion, stress, and mayhem. Any mom will tell you it's no bed of roses. It can be complete chaos and full on crazy at any given moment, but for some reason, we tend to skim over all of that side of parenting and have a tendency to share all the good stories and the cute moments. If we're honest, there's a lot more of the chaotic side than most of us care to let on.
The messy side— We all know there are lots of different moms out there, none of us are the same. We can all be the "messy" mom at times. The house is in a bit of a mess, the car needs a good clean out, but busy schedules and day-to-day things get in the way of having a "showroom" house, There's guilt that goes along with it; unnecessary guilt we lay on ourselves.
Then some moms find it difficult to keep everything together on a day-to-day basis but manage to do it anyways. Moms that struggle with anxiety, depression, low self-esteem but never reveal this side to anyone. The ones who maybe are struggling with family issues, or past problems; we mean you, the reality, the real-life moms. The ones who have gone through so much and are still going through hard times, but always step up to the plate for their loved ones. Not leaving out the moms who haven't gone through these things, of course, you too are moms! It's just to point out that all these things are part of life, and you are not alone.
"Mothers are depicted in movies, books, and tv shows as the peacekeepers who always know what to say. We are inherent providers – we are the fixers. The glue that holds everything and everyone together. But the mothers with the tattered back-story, who wake up every morning to be the best versions of themselves, well, those are the mothers I know,” writes Jorrie Varney for Scary Mommy.
The truth is, real life is chaotic and crazy with kids. It's filled with moments we regret and are not proud of. We focus in on these moments, and we let them make us feel like inadequate moms; not good enough. So we don't talk about this side as much. We bottle up our unfounded guilt trips we take ourselves on. We assume we'll be judged by "proper" moms who have their sh*t together, who never seem to be overburdened or stressed. The thing is, no one is a perfect mom, we're all just winging it and doing the best we can. That mom you saw looking fresh and smiling at the school drop off; you didn't see her meltdown in the car before drop off!
Everyone is winging it, every one of us struggles, we're disorganized at times, messy, chaotic and stressed to the max. The sad part is, it has become human nature for us to compare ourselves to others. We see ourselves as not up to par with our fellow moms. We put too much pressure on ourselves to be the "perfect" mom. When in reality, we're all going through the same struggles, exhaustion, and upsets. None of us have our sh*t together, we may put on the show that we do, but behind the scenes, it's a different story, one we all live through. We need to give ourselves a break and stop being so hard on ourselves.
“From the outside, it looks like everyone else has their s**t together. It looks like they are getting along just fine. So, why can’t I? What’s wrong with me? This thought has rattled around inside my own mind,” Varney writes.
Moms tend to keep quiet about their inner feelings of insecurity, feelings of not being up to scratch or feelings of losing control to the back of their minds in order to make it through the day successfully and cover everything that needs to be done. We sometimes forget that we're only human. It's ok to need and want a break, it's ok to have a messy house, and it's ok to have a meltdown. Just remember, at the end of the day, you're awesome and are doing the best you can!
“Sometimes we feel messy or broken – maybe both. But, we are mothers, so we button it up, or tuck it away. We push our feelings to the side, and store our skeletons in the closet, because we have s**t to do, and there’s not time to be messy. Right?” Varney writes.
Wrong! Own who you are, be the real you, the authentic you. Being messy is part of all of us. None of us have a script; we play it by ear. Things get crazy and chaotic whether we want to admit that or not. We have days where we completely lose our sh*t, and everything seems to go wrong, days, where you're running behind on everything, and everything seems to be a mess. So what?! You're only human, own that sh*t, you have nothing to be ashamed about. We're all brilliant moms in our own ways, and we always show up and get the job done.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m failing. I feel overwhelmed on a daily basis, and sometimes I suck at expressing myself. I have relationships in my life that are broken beyond repair, but I keep going. My s**t is nowhere near together, but I don’t care, this is who I am,” Varney says.
Some days can seem so hard and endless, and others are a breeze, but it's essential to remember, you're not alone. Every one of us is just trying to get through each day as best we can with as little stress as possible.
Varney also writes “To the mom who feels messy or broken, you are not alone. Not even a little. Most of us feel this way at some point. We all have things, some big things, some little things, and some things we can’t explain – that’s OK. It’s OK to be messy – most strong women are.”
The crazy moments, the messy moments, that's actually where we get our strength as moms, we overcome all the obstacles and get the job done and get through the day. Yes, we have our shaky moments, but those moments and how we handle them makes us the great moms that we are. You are NOT ALONE! You Rock!