You were just too blind and too selfish to see it. Too selfish to see that I was always enough. I don’t regret our time together, but I regret that I let you break my heart. I will not add staying quiet to that list of regrets. And that is why I am penning you this open letter.
We met at a time when I had just finished putting myself back together following another heartbreak. My walls were high up, but you reassured me you would take care of my heart and made me many promises. My guard did come down, and I let you in, but unfortunately, you broke all those promises. And with the broken promises, you left me even more broken than I ever was before I met you.
And why? You blamed your insecurities and your fears. You couldn’t do the very thing that you asked me. You couldn’t let me in, and when I tried getting close, you coldly pushed me away. It tore at my heart when you did that, and there’ll never be a good enough reason for acting the way that you did.
All I ever wanted was for you to love me. When we first got together, I was convinced that you did love me. You were attentive, caring and very affectionate. But all that changed so fast and it got to a point you made no effort to hide the fact that you couldn’t care less about me.
When you changed, I fought hard for us, hoping you would reciprocate the love I felt for you. I did all the fighting until I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t recognize the man you had become, and I felt so deceived. You were no longer the man I fell in love with.
You made sure I knew I was not a priority in your life, but an option you could very well do without. You stopped calling me, and always sounded so disinterested when I called. I was always the one trying to make plans, and even then, you would cancel on me without any good reason. The only time you ever showed me attention was when you needed me to get or do something for you. You only ever initiated contact when you wanted to get laid. Once you were done with me and snoring away, I would lay there numb and feeling so empty, but that didn’t bother you in the least bit.
I held on for as long as I could, hoping things would take a turn for the better. And then I finally found the will to walk away. That’s the best thing I ever did. For far too long, I had put you before my own needs. I had spent too much time trying to please you, and it was now time for me to start taking care of myself.
You did not even try to fight for me. Were you relieved that I had chosen to walk away? Did I really mean that little to you? I will not waste any more of my time trying to understand your reasons, but I am certain you will come to regret it. Someday, you will realize just how much of a good catch I was, but it will be too little too late.
It was a learning experience like none other, and I am glad for all of it. You made me realize that I deserve better. I would much rather stay single than let another cowardly man treat me as you did.
And now, older, wiser, and thanks to you, I know never to settle for anything less than what I deserve. I am more than good enough and the right person will see that.
Being put on the spot makes it harder for us to define our boundaries. In our attempts to appease the person giving us their attention, we agree to things without meaning to.
But failure to have boundaries lets other people force us into situations that make us resent them. As long as you think having boundaries makes you rude, the wrong people will continue to put demands on you and you will end up resenting them.
You also need to stop equating having boundaries with lack of compassion. Instead, see it as a way to have self-respect. After all, you wouldn’t go around imposing responsibilities on people if it would make them uncomfortable.
Before anyone can respect you, you have to respect yourself first.
So, don’t be in a rush to give a response the next time someone asks you for a favor. Take your time and think it over and then give an answer you will not regret.
It’s okay to be honest about what’s not okay and what is.