There are things every heartbroken girl goes through. Most of these are usually tucked away in her heart or in her top-secret diary. The diary is her only trustworthy friend. If you happened to lay your hands on it, these are the confessions you would uncover.
I’ve been through the worst heartbreaks but still managed to come out alive. Ask me, and I will tell you that what doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger. I have learned all the important lessons, and I am ready for anything. There’s still a place for love in my heart because I believe in myself. I also know that it was not always my fault, so I don’t care what my friends think about me. I know some pretend to be on my side, but they actually think I am a failure. Still, I keep them and act ignorant because time is coming for me to prove them wrong.
Just because I am ready to try again doesn’t mean I am not afraid. It is not because I don’t know what I want, it’s just that I don’t know if my new catch will appreciate me for who I am. I am complicated and sophisticated, and that’s why no one seems to be able to handle me. I, however, don’t intend to change who I am. I changed my closet a little to add spice to who I already am, but I don’t know if it’s too much for him. Even so, I know it can go either way, and there’s not much I can do other than be me and hope he’s brave enough to take me on.
Sometimes it’s so bad I just feel like giving up. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be with any man for the long term. Perhaps this is what GOD wants of me. Maybe I should find something that single people do and perfect it. I feel as if there is a place for me in society, only that I haven’t discovered it yet.
I know I said being single was cool, but that wasn’t true. I don’t like being alone, and I hate it that my friends think I cannot hold on to a man. I don’t think it actually hurts to constantly stalk my ex because it’s not like I want him back. I just want to see how miserable he is after leaving me for no reason at all. I don’t dare ask any of my friends about him because they will think I am desperate. But I am not. I honestly wish he could see me now and know that I can make it on my own. Soon, I will be in love again, and this time it’s going to last.
At least no one sees or hears me sobbing. Only my pillow shares in my sorrows. I am not trying to stop because it helps me sleep. Not because I miss anyone, it’s just that I don’t know why it has to be me. I am better than some of my friends, but they get to date all the good guys. I don’t care about all guys who didn’t know what they lost, but there is one of them who hurt me the most. Why did he leave? At least I gave him my all. His picture is still in my gallery, and I can’t help but look at it before I sleep. I wish he could dial my number by accident, but he doesn’t. So I cry some more and sleep.
I have tried to trust again, but it almost feels impossible. It is the only way I’ll be able to sustain a meaningful relationship, but I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. The good thing about trust is that it is earned, so I know it will come back if the guy is worth it. Still, I fear that if I trust him, he’ll betray my trust like all the others. But what have I to lose? Life is about trying and not giving up.