Being in the hands of a narcissist is akin to being under a dark cloud of abuse.
When she first began, she was a happy girl. She smiled all the time. She did not even need a reason to, she was so positive about life, and she could genuinely say she was happy.
Even people felt better about themselves and life in general when she was around.
Then he became part of her life.
He turned everything upside down. Sucking out the joy out of her life, shattering her into thousands of broken pieces. Taking away any shred of self-confidence she had in her.
All because she got attached to a narcissist; the kind of soul that gets off destroying another soul.
Through manipulation, isolation from the world; he convinces her that there was no one else in the world but him.
She took everything from her, and yet manipulates her into thinking she should be thankful for having him in her life.
Every attempt she made to be happy was an attempt to escape his grip. And that is when it all became clear, she would be happier without him in her life. But still, there is some healing to do; and here’s her process.
The manipulations and everything else left her broken and feeling worthless. She felt drained, and yet understood she was responsible for the healing she needed to pull herself out of the hole she had been put into. She chose to heal. She chose to feel better.
There were feelings of anger within her, and she could not hold them in. She knew they would only destroy her. Pretending that nothing bad happened was not an option. The only way to let go of the feelings was to let them free by being angry. She was taken advantage of and used, she dealt with a lot of pain she did not have to, and she was angry that she did. She has to let that anger go so that she can move on with her life.
She knew the relationship was not perfect, but false hope that things would change for the better down the road made her stay. She could not allow her to believe that this was happening to her, but at the back of her mind, she knew the truth.
She finally accepts that it was never her fault. Sure, he convinced her that it was always her problem, and she believed it. But now she can see things clearly again, and she knows that it was never the case. So, she has forgiven herself, so that the can live again.
The narcissist left her poisoned with negative feelings. Being the loving empathetic girl she is, she tried to understand him, and that got her more than her fair share of toxic emotions and patterns. Now, she has to reach out to people who are there for her to help her rid herself of the toxicity. It took a while, but the pain and the toxicity got out of her system.
Once he was gone, there was no more screaming, no more manipulation, no more guilty feelings to coerce her to do something she did not want to do. The change was too much to handle, and she had to deal with it. She had to relearn how to be normal again, like learning to walk again after being immobile for several months.
Narcissists don’t let go easily, and they always try to come back. They manipulate and change their behavior to win your approval once more. But she knew about the no contact rule, and by cutting all contact with him, she could finally move on.
She allowed herself to be happy again, to smile once more and feel the love in her heart. She chose to believe in a happy world full of happiness.
And now, she is once more the happy girl who loved life and made people feel special, including herself.